Shattered Kingdoms

I know there was an older fix my description thread, not sure if that person is still willing to look at them. I remember I was really proud of my description on my old char. It was something I worked a long time on, it evolved as I did, and in the end I loved it.

I'm kinda eh on this one. Not sure why. It feels short I guess... Any suggestions? What's everyone's opinions on tattoos or scars? If I'm fully clad, I feel that nothing of my body is really showing but my face, so how would you see them? Also, I think I read somewhere that scars and tattoos would technically be gone each time the gods return you to life.


"Before you is a slender male human, short for his kind, and youthful in appearance. He has long, thin black hair that is very straight, and goes down to his mid back. Narrow pale blue eyes rest just under thin eyebrows. His little nose is arched down slightly. Small blood red lips stand out greatly on his pale white skin."

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks!

First off, you shouldn't be terribly concerned about the length of your description. There are people who can sum their character's appearance up in a paragraph and others who need half a page to do so. It's often tiresome to have to go through a huge description, when looking at someone, so I personally tend to restrict myself to an 'average' length of about 8-9 sentences.

Tattoos, scars and birthmarks are tricky. Some would argue that they should disappear when given a new body, but why does it have to be so? I can very well imagine that if they hold a special significance (the tattoos of shamans given to them at birth or during a ritual, by their ancestors, spiritual guide or spiritual totem, a 'mark' of one's heritage connected to one's very blood force, etc.) they can be intertwined with one's soul, reappearing as a permanent part of the character, a piece of their personality.

If you choose to go with something like this, make sure to be ready to answer questions concerning their background. Also, don't exaggerate in the description of the tattoo, scar, birthmark itself. Most people would vaguely recognise the shape (if at all) when shooting you a look. Not any details.

Now, as for the description itself, it is generally a good idea to use 'flaws' in it. They make them a lot more interesting than examining a perfect individual. For example, you can give your character a twitch or a limp. Or maybe they've huge nostrils, their face is not very symmetrical, they've greasy hair etc. Just let your imagination take over!

Also, if you're having trouble expressing yourself, remember that paraphrasing often helps. So, instead of saying that your character has a 'youthful' appearance, try describing that look. How would you notice the age of a person? Is it because they've still a few pimples, or do their eyes glisten with boyish/girlish wonder, hinting that they've still much to experience?

You might want to describe the form of their face too. Is it oval, round, do they have a protruding chin, how are their cheeks formed? It's always fun to play around a bit with the eyes too, but remember that people wouldn't necessarily recognise their color after a short glimpse. If they're dark, you could use something along the lines of 'inky pools' instead of just saying black. That leaves room for speculation.

Lastly, if your character is not human (in your case it is,) you should try mentioning racial specialties. Since yours is a human, you might want to add a few more physical attributes. You mentioned that he is 'slender'. Is it the type that leans more towards being frail, are they long-limbed or rather stocky? Would their appearance suggest that their muscles are trained?

I think that's all I can think of at the moment.

I agree with pretty much everything Lolth said and wanted to just add a couple thoughts on the tattoo/scar issue.

I think having tattoos scars etc are acceptable regardless of whether you wear full body armor or not, because at some point you are going to die and a priest or shaman or warlock (and anyone else in the room for that matter) is going to see you naked. For Kouin, I just made a notation "when her back is exposed..." then described the tattoo. Or if you have a tattoo running the length of your arm you could say, something along the lines of " on the exposed skin of this man's wrist one can see darkened skin, perhaps part of a tattoo." Basically there are plenty of ways to work in a scar or tattoo without having to have it on the face.

With regards to getting a new body at resurrection, there will always be people saying that the body is new and no scars should be on it etc. But a god is giving you new flesh, they could give you just about any form they choose. I mean if you think about it the priest is not giving you a new body, their god is and they are just as likely to just present you with a patched up version of what you had as they are to make you look like a troll or anything else for that matter.

I find black hair with blue or green eyes to be very difficult to believe.

I believe a sprite beating the hell out of a human armor glad mercenary hard to believe, who cares?

Its the fantasy realm man you're not supposed to believe anything.

Lolth pretty much hit most of it on the head. The only thing I could think to add is regarding description length. I don't recommend having more than 7-8 lines, and I also recommend using different colors to highlight specific things. When looking at a description, I almost never read it verbatim, but will quickly scan it looking for specific attributes that the writer chose to highlight. This way, I can quickly get a sense on how the character is supposed to look, without wasting too much time reading every word. And I rarely ever read past the first 5-6 lines, so writing more is usually just added spam.

Here's an example of what I mean. Scan the following sentence, and tell me what words stick out.



(Edit: I'm sorry. I didn't realize those colors would clash so horribly with the quote tags... you still get the point I hope. )

Your desc should be longer of course, but if you do this right (and there are many ways to do it), anyone can scan your desc and get a sense of how your character would look. Sure, it won't be a completely accurate sense, but that's why you take the time to fluff it up so that those who need/want to look at you more closely, can do so...

And if it's any comfort you're not the only one who spends a long time on a desc. I usually quite a bit of time writing, and then re-writing, my char's desc.

sleeper

PS Also, I agree with Lolth in saying that tattoos/scars/birthmarks/etc don't disappear when you get a new body. Just because your soul is in a new body, doesn't mean it has all the same problems/looks as before. It just means that you now have a corpse of yourself you have to deal with.

Thanks for the input all!

I'll get back to work and see what I come up with

There are some really stellar descriptions out there.
When you look at people, theres always the few that stand out.
Ones like those take notes on, how they word things, describe parts of their bodies etc.

This is really the best way I found to write my descs when I started.

I will emphasis Sleeper's point on coloring. A well colored description helps paint a picture as much as the description itself. In a game that lacks graphics, color provides a world of insight.

Not to mention it helps draw people's attentions. I find people are much more likely to take the time to read your description, if the interesting parts are colored, rather than the whole thing just one dull color. Most people always skim first, then if they see something that catches their eye, they'll read the rest.