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This figure before you has a rather animalistic in his appearance at
first glance. His straight, silky, shoulder length black hair is set free
and waves in all directions like a flowing black cowl of shadow, covering
his slightly pointed ears. His shoulders are broad and well toned. As is
the rest of his body, the visible flesh stretched tightly over his rippling
muscles. While not large in actual bulk, being 6 feet in height, the sheer
appearance of such devotion to fitness increases the appearance of his size.
His chin seems to come to a shrewd point under his thick lower lip. His
upper lip is thinner, often revealing his teeth and his nose is wide and
intrusive. Far more striking then all of this, under his thick, almost
bushy brows, are two deep set yellow eyes with black voids where there are
normally white, much like a ravens, held up by large, purple bags.
Vs.
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Broad and bold are this man's shoulders which frame his ample bulk. His
course flesh, riddled with the lines of old age and scars, ripples over his
well toned topography. His crown is host to a once silky black cowl, now
grizzled with age. It hangs draped around his angular featured face,
flanking his powerful maw. Above sleepless bags, below his bushy brow, and
set deep in the caves of his orbital sockets lie in wait his menacing yellow
fires, set ablaze on black coals. Demonic and raven-like, they violate the
deepest and darkest of places like great voids that hunger to be filled.
Obviously the new one is better, but by how much, I'm not sure. I think the advice here is good. Try to be cut and dry, but still have fun with it. Don't tell people what to think and feel. I find it much more fun to use words that create imagery, though some might dissagree.
*shrugs* Tell me what you think?
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