Shattered Kingdoms :: View topic - OK then. What makes a good description?

Tall among men of his race, this human looms at about six and a quarter feet in height. He is very thin; his lanky frame is covered in pale, freckled skin. He has an ill-managed mane of stringy auburn hair that falls to the middle of his back which lays neither curly or straight but somewhere in the middle. His eyes are piercing blue, and oddly unblinking. His long face is covered in a scruffy red beard and moustache.

Thin of frame and very short, a female gnome is here. She has dull, light grey eyes, which almost seem to have no pigment at all. A grotesque curved scar hinting at a deep wound sits above her eyebrows, in the enter of her pale forehead. She has an otherwise unremarkable face - a thin upturned nose and full lips, stained red. Her hair is black and curls bout her head, though it seems to have been hastily cut short; a sloppy, neven coiffure. Her arms and hands are criss-crossed with a number of cars and also some freshly healing cuts. A fading tattoo of a runic symbol marrs the side of her neck.

Author:	Marilyn [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 8:35 am ]
Post subject:	OK then. What makes a good description?
Far be it for little old me to criticize the Great and Noble Experienced SK Players, but some of us don't want to waste our time writing something that nobody is ever going to read. So, dear Seasoned Ones, what can a newb that cares just a teensy bit about not looking like an idiot do to write a good description? In your ever so humble and valued opinions? I think the best advice I got on the subject was to type ".f" on a new line to format it. It looks nicer that way. Other than that, from my perspective only, the content might be a tad more important than the color... What does the population of more mature SK players feel on this subject. As a newb, one of the first things you have to do to make an interesting character is write a description that tells the world what he or she looks like. There is a link someplace in the newb files about description but I get a nagging feeling that I'm the only one who ever read it. What say you? Marilyn

Author:	wortsenawl [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 8:56 am ]
Post subject:
Make sure it isn't full of spelling and grammatical errors - that's a good start. Don't repeat words over and over... "She has long hair... her long arms... her long legs" (I know that's not a great example, but read enough descriptions and you will get to understand what I mean). If you read your description and think "well that'll do," the chances are it isn't a very a good one. Make it ineresting, unique if you can - of course, people still wont pay much attention, but it will make you feel better. I think also, make it relevant. As posted in another thread, don't refer to youthfulness if your character is 68 years old. I think the same applies to new characters, they are young, still developing - keep that in mind. Oh and don't use a hundred words to describe something when one will do, keep it snappy if you want people to read it. (I fall foul of this myself as I like to over elaborate when I write things).

Author:	josephusmaximus3 [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 9:52 am ]
Post subject:
For starters do not assume. "His perpetual sneer strikes fear into your heart" Is horrible on many different levels. First, you are not always sneering, if your character smiles once, you just make your desc not consistant IC, if you are sleeping you aren't doing jack, don't tell other players what they feel, there's no garauntee your character necessarily sees the other char, or that the other char can see your face, so how do they see the sneer? Your best bet is to describe his features in a non-redundant way.

Author:	ilkaisha [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:04 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Tall among men of his race, this human looms at about six and a quarter feet in height. He is very thin; his lanky frame is covered in pale, freckled skin. He has an ill-managed mane of stringy auburn hair that falls to the middle of his back which lays neither curly or straight but somewhere in the middle. His eyes are piercing blue, and oddly unblinking. His long face is covered in a scruffy red beard and moustache. My handsome little alt. You know exactly what he looks like without the extravagant details that I included in Aerlyn's description. Aerlyn is on description 2, by the way - I started her out pretty plain as well. No one really noticed, but she's changed a bit since some IC things have happened to her. Desc 3 for first age tick is already written, as well. I think personally I appreciate when a description (like Delear's for intsance) evolves with that character. Most players don't notice. Also, I tend not to use the adjective of the character in my description. Describe around it and let people come to the conclusion of it. Obviously, Aerlyn's a little on the colorless side, but I don't feel the need to point it out so blatantly as to include the adjective: Quote: Thin of frame and very short, a female gnome is here. She has dull, light grey eyes, which almost seem to have no pigment at all. A grotesque curved scar hinting at a deep wound sits above her eyebrows, in the enter of her pale forehead. She has an otherwise unremarkable face - a thin upturned nose and full lips, stained red. Her hair is black and curls bout her head, though it seems to have been hastily cut short; a sloppy, neven coiffure. Her arms and hands are criss-crossed with a number of cars and also some freshly healing cuts. A fading tattoo of a runic symbol marrs the side of her neck.

Author:	Orcanaut [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:07 am ]
Post subject:	IC vs OOC? A LITTLE MUCH?

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OK then. What makes a good description? https://shatteredkingdoms.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=14292	Page 1 of 2

Author:	Forsooth [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:34 am ]
Post subject:
I'm also a believer in short and sweet descriptions. I think trivial details work much better in emotes: "XXX points north with his well-manicured hand." Vividness is even better in active roleplay than in descriptions. My own hints for a good description would be: * Start with the most striking detail. What makes this character different from any other of his race and sex? Not only will this get the point across to us with little tolerance for descriptions, but we might actually read the rest of it. * Give enough detail that a reader can hold a picture of the character in his mind. Stop there. Don't be worried if your picture will vary a little from the reader's. Something's wrong if this takes more than eight 80-character lines; less is better. * Follow the rules: No actions. No forcing non-trivial conclusions on others. No features that would be outlandish for your race, such as horns on humans. No facial expressions or other features that would change regularly in normal play. * Don't make your description hard to read. Avoid long sentences that describe in detail two or more features. Give preference to simpler sentences over longer ones. * Remember that all your normal scars and wounds will be gone the first time you get resurrected, if not the first time you get healed. Building a description on these is unwise.

Author:	Jada [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:38 am ]
Post subject:
I know many players only skim, or don't bother to even read, descriptions. I am not one of those players. I love to read a well written description. In my humble opinion I think what makes a good description is to know how much to describe. The description should give the reader the vitals clues to what the person looks like, but it shouldn't be so long and so exact that you loose the reader halfway through. A great tip is sentence and word variance. Hash out your description first. Then take a step back and look at it. Circle words that appear more than once, get out the old thesaurus and see if you can change them. Read it aloud. Does it sound boring? Is every sentence "his body is, his hair is, his eyes are"? Make complex sentences, switch things up. Use similes where appropriate. Run it through spell check. Most of all: have fun with it. Descriptions are an art in and of themselves. Even if you think no one is reading them, there are a few of us out there who appreciate it.

Author:	Goldlantern [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:57 pm ]
Post subject:
I'm a big fan of modifiers in descs. Little things that change in the character, for example, age, scars (not tattoos) when they slowly build up over the years, etc. It helps me feel there's some depth to the character I'm looking at.

Author:	Jada [ Fri Oct 20, 2006 2:19 pm ]
Post subject:
Goldlantern wrote: I'm a big fan of modifiers in descs. Little things that change in the character, for example, age, scars (not tattoos) when they slowly build up over the years, etc. It helps me feel there's some depth to the character I'm looking at. I agree. People's appearances are not static. People age, they may change they're style of hair, ect.

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